I begin wandering

So I've been reading "They Like Jesus but not the Church" by Dan Kimball and I figured I'd set this up so I can put some thoughts down on "paper" and get something of a dialogue going at some point. If no dialogue at least I'll have a place to put my thoughts down so I remember to think about them from time to time. This may also serve in a way of making practice the "examen of consciousness" a very old practice of the Church whereby a Christian would reflect upon their day. Sometimes it is directed at how well I have done that day at living into Christ-likeness as I learn to "love God" and "love neighbor", and other days it is simply a reflective process where I think about where God has shown up throughout my day. I'd like to say I would do this every day, but I struggle with laziness and absent-mindedness and often I'm more interested in going to sleep than thinking about what happened throughout my day. Maybe this blog will help, maybe not...we shall see.

I slept in this morning, not a bad thing since yesterday I was up from 5 am until midnight. MAdeleine let me sleep until around 8 or 9 today...then I played Mario Kart on the Wii...love that game. I spent way too much time playing it though. I feel so guilty about the amount of time I've spent playing video games throughout my life. Sigh. I am glad I went to Riley's (my sister-in-law's son) pre-k graduation ceremony. He looked so happy that Amy, Madeleine, John, and I were there along with his whole family. God showed up in his smile. I wonder if I get that happy to see anyone these days. I imagine I would to see Amy or Madeleine, but I haven't been away fro them. Maybe I'll be that way once I am gone all day and get to come home to them. I've spent a good bit of the evening watching "Tropical Thunder" with Ben Stiller...dumb movie, but I think it was supposed to be. It's redeeming feature though is that it was about the masks we all wear to hide. Whether intended or not it speaks the truth about how people can get so caught up int he roles they are playing at work, home, church, sports teams, schools, etc. that they lose their true identity. That same theme came up as I was reading Kimball's book tonight too; Identity. I wonder what most people root their identity in? For some it is their career. Dr. Mulholland, one of my seminary professors and a man I deeply admire, likes to point out that the first question strangers generally ask one anothe is "what do you do?" or some variation on that theme. For other people their identity is their ethnicity, their sexuality, their religion, their favorite sports team. I wonder what else...their tax bracket maybe? I think for me I'm tempted to find my identity in lots of things, but ultimately I believ that my identity should be found and grounded in the one I believe who gave it to me int he first place, God. I look at Jesus' ministry and it is full of a man who knew who he was, and where the source of his being was found. I wonder when he learned about his existance as "God's Son". Was it at his baptism? I don't know, but I know that Jesus prays for me that I would have the same relationship with God that He has in John 17:20-26. I wonder how different I would spend my days if I went through each moment of the day remembering that Jesus, God incarnate, prayed for me that I would be in God as Jesus is in God. It blows my mind, but if I derive my identity from being in God in the same way that Jesus is in God and God is in Jesus, then I have the capacity for loving everyone in the same way that Jesus does. What gets in the way then? It must be me. Who is "me" though? My guess is that it is the identity given me by God that has been shaped and molded according tot he pattern of this fallen environment which I have dwelt within. The image of God is present in me, but currently it is so sodden with the filth that accompanies living according to my selfish passions rather than the passions of God to love as Jesus loved. It is my prayer this night that God would show me the ways that I am like Jesus and encourage me in them, while at the same time showing me the places where I have failed to love both God and neighbor. All for the purpose of being conformed to the image of God given me to bear at my creation. I want to be more like Jesus tomorrow than I am right now. God, by your Spirit regenerate me.